#161: The Terrible Hairible

SPIDER-MAN. MARVEL STUDIOS. IT'S HAPPENING. I am heading the campaign for my crush Molly Quinn from Castle to play MJ. If this happens, my brain will explode from happiness. Jacob brains will be everywhere. Anywho, here's my new character: the Terrible Hairible. (Yeah. It's my hair. If I'm gonna have long stupid hair until I get it cut tomorrow, I might as well make a blog post out of it while it's here. That's just good business.) This monster mop resides in the jungles of Scalpia, bringing a hairy end to any travelers attempting to explore the area. People have tried to contain it. All have failed. But according to legend, only a great scissored hero known as Cathicus Curlicus can slay the Terrible Hairible and bring peace to the Scalpian region - and luckily, that day is tomorrow in our universe! It feels kinda like the Frabjous Day in the 2010 Alice in Wonderland. Someone needs to futterwacken vigorously and then it'll be complete.

BAD-OFF VII COMMERCIAL

Bad-Off VII has gotten such a rocking response from all you websters that I really think we could have the most votes ever on a Bad-Off poll this time. So, to push for this goal, I've decided to rally up the troops in the most Hollywood way possible. I made a fancy trailer with explosions in it. Roll the film!

PERRY THE VLADYPUS MEME

Idea courtesy of my wonderful wackjob of a sis, the Mustache Ninja.

#160: Eon the HexRabbit

Does anybody know where I can get one of those zip-up hoodie masks but with an owl face on it? No further explanation will be given on why I need this beyond me saying it has to do with bringing a hooting Walmart vigilante to life. Egad, I've said too much. Okay, here's my new character: Eon the HexRabbit. HexRabbits - scientifically known as Abracus Dabarcus. Native to the distant outer rim of the JC-Verse, these little guys live, breathe and sweat pure magical essence. How this one ended up in our good ol' Milky Way is a mystery not even Duck-tective on Gravity Falls could solve. Eon is being constantly chased by the collective bunch of dark warlocks attempting to harness his magic for galactic domination, and sleazy space hunters looking to sell his various limbs and such on the black market. But with help from that trusty portal hat of his, he always manages to outrun them. Interesting fact: magicians used to put HexRabbits in their hats to give them the powers they needed for their acts. That's right, people. It wasn't always a magic cliche.

BAD-OFF EPISODE VII: THE FORCE A-JAKE-ENS

Now that he has entered the record books as the first fiend to win Bad-Off twice in a row, the Man is ready to take on the Dark Vacuum of SPACE Space space. Echos are fun. May the best baddie WIIIIIN!!! *wild cheers*

REVIEW: ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010)

Callooh! Callay! I can't believe I waited so long to watch Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. It was a wonderfully warped adventure that awesomely adapted Lewis Carroll's characters. To name a few things I liked, the visual effects were outstanding (I couldn't take my eyes off that Cheshire Cat!), the larger-than-life Johnny Depp brought the Hatter to life most excellently, and it had my new favorite movie quote: "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are." Placed right above Maleficent as my favorite in the "Disney Reinventions" series, as I'm calling it, Alice in Wonderland was madly awesome. Also, Mia Wasikowska's Alice Kingsleigh is my new dream girl. Now... Cue futterwacken!!

#159: Luxelle Arcadus: The Hovergirl

(Zoom up to see her 8-bit-iness.)

Yesterday, I went to teach a little kid art class at my school, Parkview. All my fun-sized artists did super well and loved the blog, and I was even asked by a parent if I do parties! Also, as a bonus, I, under the name Sir Jacob the 1st, won a Snickers bar in a crazy hair contest with help from a girl named Anastasia. Guy in clapping audience: "I'M JUST CLAPPING FOR HIS NAME!" Anyway, onto a new character: Luxelle Arcadus, the Hovergirl! In the 8-Bit Kingdom (see #119, 2014), the night is ruled by sky-gliding crime fighter, the Hovergirl, as she takes out do-badders through the pixelated thoroughfares. Just one more thing: she's the princess. Luxelle has been raised amongst the snootyville society of royalty, joining her dad on boring diplomatic missions and doing whatever else it is that royal-y people do instead of watching TV and scarfing pizza. Can't blame the gal for wanting to fly away in the night and go bazerko on some thugs. Now the love interest of fellow super-avatar SkyStar (see #69, 2014), she is one of the Virtuality's greatest heroes. Post over. Sir Jacob the 1st AWAY!!!

RELEASE THE TEASER!!!!!

          As promised, my people. As promised. Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day to all!