CHEERS TO NOT BEING DEAD: JACOB'S RETURN

     Howdy, everybody! I'm alive! Probably goes without saying considering you're reading a new post from me right now, but . . . yeah. STILL ALIVE! I'm sorry that I've been aloof for so long, but it was for a very good reason: I was vacationing in Monterey Bay, California. It was quite fun, so as per ushe, time to tell you the best parts of it with a bullet point fun-ness summarization session!

• Going to the Aquarium and finding out that my favorite sea creature, the sea cucumber, has been directly linked to Kevin Bacon this whole time and I didn't even know it.
• Surveying the masses down below from the window of our hotel room.
• Such masses including a guy in all white clothes driving an all white car, and a guy that looks exactly like Mario.
• Whipping up a few new pictures for my Spider-Man movie idea that I'll be posting later.
• Watching the future voice of Captain Underpants on Running Wild with Bear Grylls atop my cozy feather bed.
• Watching Cozi in A Dolphin Tale atop my cozy feather bed. MIND BLOWN
• Spending time with my family. 
• Weirding out said family while making this:

 

#192: Diomedes: Social Media Menace

     Okay, here's my new character: Diomedes! (This one's a little scary, and not just because it's about social media.) Nowadays, everywhere you look, youngins are staring at some sort of tech. Well, if you were a diabolical ancient entity, wouldn't you find a way to take advantage of this? Well, Diomedes sure did. Thousands of years old, this spirit feeds on people's life energy and has devoured an endless array of civilizations throughout history. So now, he's hungry, and has created a malicious new plot involving taking the form of one of the world's most terrifying things: a trendy social network. Diomedes.com has taken form, and once a saggy-pants tweenybopper creates an account on it, they sign over their very soul and chi to ol' Diomedes himself. #WorldDominationYall

#191: Sir Dashington Floyd

     Hey, guys. A couple nights ago, I saw the first of the new Star Trek films. It was great, but the most entertaining part of the night was my Trekkie mom totally geeking out watching it. Now, here is a new character: Sir Dashington Floyd! Why in the 9999 dimensions of the JC-Verse would a fellow voluntarily ride atop an asteroid through space? Because he's boss. Like, really boss. So it only makes sense that Sir Dashington Floyd, the man seen below, is know by many as "the Boss." Born to the tyrannical royal family of the Floydian System, he was always the white sheep in the family and therefore was shunned. But after saving a young Barglebee (the big one at the bottom of this pic) from being stuck in a grade-A sticky nearby bog, he became fascinated with the Outerling species and decided they needed a real home. So after setting up shop on the faraway planet of Earth, Dashington created the Outerling Society, and traveled the JC-Verse picking up new Outerlings to adopt. And he's got an accent. Why? Because. He's. Boss.

So boss.

#190: The Tortoise & The Hare: Post-Apocalyptic Edition

     Here's my new pair of characters dedicated to the Mustache Ninja: Tortoise Evershell & Hare Cottenbee! Years into the future, in the post-apocalyptic animal kingdom of Pawnem, there is a tradition practiced every year: the Fable Games. One critter from each class is chosen to compete in a deadly race filled with obstacles of all kinds. Only one animal makes it out alive, and they win a humongous stash of treats for their whole class. Paw-picked by fancy-pantsy poodle Fluffy Trinket, these critters end up battling it out until only two remain: Tortoise Evershell & Hare Cottenbee. Who will win? Who will lose?? Find out when The Fable Games hits a totally fictional theater near you! (Part of me hopes that the mutts that looked like dead tributes in The Hunger Games are a bunch of humans with animal faces in this version . . .)

#189: The Spark

     Now, in the spirit of Ant-Man, here is a new super-powered character: Roy Jerrick: the Spark. A revolution always starts with a spark that catches fire and becomes an inferno, whether that spark is Katniss or Ylvis. But when it comes to the superheroes of the JC-Verse, that all literally started with the Spark. There are many conflicting stories of how Roy acquired his heat wave manipulation powers. Some say he was a spaceman from the Sun, the others say he was part of some sort of experiment by the big boys up in the U.S. Government. Regardless of how it happened, after he did his first public act of heroism in 1952, all the powered people of the world came/flew/teleported out of the woodwork and began their mass mission of justice. He was a trailblazer, and even after his Earhart-esque disappearance in the '70s, his spirit still lives on in the bazillions who go out there everyday trying to make things right. We need one of those "I was a _____ before it was cool" shirts for him.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

#188: The Outerlings

    Yesterday, I saw Ant-Man! It was quite awesome, and not just because it referenced Spider-Man for the first time. Which it did. Reference Spider-Man. For the first time ever. *big squeal* Anywhosers, time for a new post: the Outerlings! The universe contains many baffling oddities - the Pyramids, crop circles, Joe Biden - but it seems one of the biggest ones out there isn't even within the universe. Outerlings, as they're called, are born outside existence, in the thin white limbo that surrounds space. With living things not meant to inhabit this region, they are shot back into the universe, landing in some random dimension. Where do they go from there? A snappily dressed, reality-surfing bloke comes and picks them up of course! This fancy lad happens to be Dashington Floyd, leader of the sacred Outerling Society deep in the European lands. There, these universal misfits spend their days hanging out together and occasionally venturing out into the rest of the world. One Outerling has even received a certain level of infamy after going on a venture to North America and having his picture taken.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

#187: SnowyOwl

     Guess who had two thumbs and had two swollen hands a couple days ago? *points to self* But fear not, for it led me to come up with a few pretty good swelling of the hand jokes. Okay, Here's a new character: SnowyOwl! Swanders University, in the big cold-as-heck apple known as NYC, is a school for exceptional talent. But when it comes to Daffodil Davis, the whole "exceptional" thing was brought to a whole new level. Originally an abstract artist, Davis would spend her days observing/drawing the folks around her, for she found people very interesting. - especially in a place like New York, with everyone from mad cabbies to Time Square Batmen. But she went from being the observer to the observed after acquiring inhuman fighting abilities and night-vision from an encounter with Hullabaloonium. She was pretty frightened of the power she had. But luckily, the young hipster pulled herself together and was recruited by a certain bird-based vigilante: Mitch Turley himself! Now she flings around the city, punching up baddies - in the most peaceful way possible - as NightOwl's East Coast counterpart. She's kinda a mashup of Luna Lovegood and Spider-Woman.

A FUNNY PIC FROM A FUNNY GUY ON A FUNNY BLOG.

     Hey, guys. I've gone on a lot of Marvel-related articles lately, mostly during my period of speculating insanity in the month before they finally announced the new Spider-Man. While doing this, I have observed different types of fans throughout the articles' comment sections - and now I shall share a few of them with you. Through the magic of my Paint program.