ABOUT THE JC-VERSE: THE GLIMMORRIAN STARSYSTEM

     First off, I'm deeply sorry if any of you jumped a foot when my spoopy scurry skele-songs™ started spontaneously blasting through your speakers. Cardiac arrest is, dare I say, too dark for the darkest month of the year. Mea culpa. Second, and mainly, today's post will be a little bit different than usual. May I proudly present the first post in the "About the JC-Verse" series! I realize that apart from the posse of consistent followers I have here (Sarah and Alistu, you know who you are), I get a LOT of new readers, and the continuity I've been weaving for the past 3 years isn't always so easy to follow. So, from now on I'll be dedicating these little one-shots to explaining the ins-and-outs of the ol' Jacob's Characterz! universe, so I don't have to re-explain things every gosh-dang post. Now, without further ado, let's start things off with a pretty pivotal JC-Verse location that I tend to name-drop a lot . . .

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The Glimmorrian Starsystem is one of the most populated and advance intergalactic spots in the whole JC-Verse. The place is honestly like someone took our solar system, doubled our sun, doubled our number of planets, and then through in an extra planet 50% off for good measure. It's practically the Chuck Norris of planetary systems. But enough gushing, let's get to know the heavenly bodies that make up this joint (which have ever-so-helpfully been numbered above):

• #1 & #2. The titular stars of the system, Ortar and Artox.
• #3. Crusa Kurala, literally translating to "dark planet." Instead of family-friendly H2O oceans like our own, this planet is covered in a peculiar pitch-black goo known as "Crutic." Some have hopped on the trend of harvesting Crutic for its medicinal properties.
• #4. Glimmorrius, the capital planet of the Glimmorrian Starsystem. This swirly little spot is one of the only four planets in the whole system to naturally bare life. The native Glimmorrians like to go about boasting that it was the first of those four to do so, but scientific research hasn't exactly backed that claim lately. Nevertheless, the planet-triotic buggers are still convinced.
• #5. Pugu, a dry lifeless planet with a moon called Toriton. It's recently found new life as a scientific outpost for a gaggle of advanced races across the starsystem.
• #6. Atarita, another lucky planet in that aforementioned lifebaring quartet. It has one central ocean that Ataritans make pilgrimages to annually. (Homeworld of the infamous bomb-diggity bandits Ashy Katorez and "Gameboy" Xones.)
• #7. Tribullus, not a planet made of delicious swiss cheese. In case you were wondering.
• #8. Briblee, #3 in the OG lifebaring quartet. Not exactly the most interesting local in the system given that it is essentially all marsh, nothing but marsh, twenty-marsh/seven. But all-and-all, it does have its charms. (It being the homeworld of megalomaniac Earth-invader and overall intergalactic dirtbag the Man is . . . not one of them.)
• #9. Tarula, another harvesting hotspot of the system due to the massive amount of valuable minerals in its crust.
• #10. Klex, AKA the high-tech posterplanet of the Glimmorrian Starsystem. It may not be quite so visible (what with the massive not-a-Death-Star lining its atmosphere and such), but this place was originally a barren, crimson-colored no-man's land. But then the rogue Pixelite Party split from Glimmorrius' resident republic and . . . you know, I'll just go ahead and save the rest of that for a character post I may or may not be working on. Just take my word for it, Klex is one crazy cool hangout.
• #11. Ekris, a crater-ridden colonial planet officially owned by The Republic of Glimmorrius.
• #12. Sarkitan, former home of Prolotus-Polis, a bustling empire founded by settlers from #15 that almost outgrew and out-stinking-rich'd every other government in the system. Nowadays it's the Glimmorrian's #1 supplier of just about every knick-knack, thingimajig, etc. an alien could fathom. (Original home of jolly ol' Xanta Klozz.)
• #13. Torril, oddly enough the only gas planet in the whole starsystem, and thus one of the only ones left uncolonized.
• #14. Drox, also not a delectable cheese planet. 
• #15. Papural, the frosty 4th member of the lifebaring quartet and the . . . most controversial. Recent probing done by the esteemed scientists of Klex have pointed to Papuralian life, as far and few as it is, being the true first life to spawn in the system . Naturally, that hasn't made the good people of Glimmorrius too thrilled. Long story short, welcome to the starsystem's most fuming debate. Read all about it in the next juicy tabloid you pick up at Pavilions, folks.
• #16. Tramillee, essentially an anomoly planet for hosting massive forests of flora despite being hecka freezing. Still too cold for any life, though.
• #17. North Berrr, another hecka freezing planet. Lies smack dab on what is known as the "Korikai Xhatel," AKA the "Dead Orbit," and is (mostly) way too harsh for settlement.
• Lastly, #18 and #19. Qibla and Xirr, also known as "te Vata" (the Twins). These two teeny tiny planets are almost indistiguishable in every way. They are theorized to have once been a single planet that got pulled apart in the formation of the system.

     Wooh. Alrighty, take a breather if you need it, because that was a lot of continuity even for myself. But while you do/don't do that, allow me to get into the semantics of how exactly all this crazy crud coexists together.

1. No, the planets aren't actually on one massive, swirling orbit on a firey collision course with their suns. It's an artistic interpretation, folks.
2. The Glimmorrian System has a good couple million years on our Solar System--which helps explain how its inhabitants pretty much had space travel down pat when we still thought the Sun was being hauled across the sky by a chariot.
3. While they may not be all on a gaint swirling death orbit, fun fact: every planet in the system shares their orbit with at least one other planet. Nice to see the powers-that-be were keeping with the buddy system in some of their earlier designs.

Now, before I bring this to a close, there's one last little snag I feel I need to cover (because if I don't, some Buster Brown with a master's degree in noticing plotholes will catch it): how can there be North, South, East and West quadrants of planets if those planets are constantly on the move? Well, as trivial as that question may seem in the long run, I've got an explanation. Friends, it's time for . . .

                                  CANON STORYTIME

     Many years ago, back when collective Glimmorrian society was a bit less knowledgeable, resident astronomers first mapped their cosmos kinda assuming the planets would all just stay where they were. And with spot-on logic in mind, they formed the "Pal, Pol, Pil and Pell" (North, South, East and West for us Earthlings) of the Glimmorrian Starsystem. Needless to say those astronomers eventually looked to the stars again and realized things had . . . swivelled around a tad. But after word got around and everyone agreed they had dun goof'd, out of their former ignorance was born a brand new prophecy: the Teshatoula, AKA "the Day of Alignment." On this occasion the planets of the system will align to reform their previously assigned niches, and the North, South, East and West will be "as the Great Being(s) intended them" once again. Beliefs of what will happen on the Teshatoula vary from planet to planet and religion to religion, but one thing is for sure: when it happens, everyone will go bananas. Cue the overused gif!

     Well, I think that little tale is a good spot to end this puppy on. Fingers-crossed you fine folks enjoyed this, and if you want to check back on this little series again in the future times, click the "About the JC-Verse" page towards the top of the screen. (Link isn't quite set up for that yet, but all in due time.) Until next time, when I may or may not be explaining who the Pixelites are and what exactly that not-a-Death-Star is. I'm Jacob, and I approve my own message. Hasta la pasta.

#261: Daemon: The .006-Million-Dollar Mandroid

     Do you know that Spongebob used to be good? Seriously, I've recently managed to stumble upon some clips from the beginning of its run via the world-wide web, and as a baby of 2001, I am totally dumbfounded. Pretty sure I'll be binging seasons 1-3 as part of my animationducation along with Batman: TAS. Man, the Instagrammers were actually right. The '90s were a superior time. Really, though, I should probably get to the character now. So, ladies and gents, I present to you . . . Daemon, the .006-Million-Dollar Mandroid! Ah, 1960-something. A time when the Space Race was a-blazin', and the hippies were frequently a-lazin'. Not a soul was a-lazin' at [Redacted] Labs, however, for the covert government establishment's top noggins were hard at work on something revolutionary. Blueprints were scattered about, and the plan in place dealt with a variety of pieces: a mannequin, a lot of titanium, and a sharp persian blue suit and matching tie, among other things. Putting all this together along with the finishing touch--a computer so high-tech that it wouldn't be on the market for another 20 years--and what they had was . . . *inhales* the 1st ever fully-fancy, functional-to-a-tee, emotive-to-a-point, post-modernish mandroid for espionage escapades! And that mandroid's name . . . was 528885. But to his buddies he was Daemon. With a Self-Sustaining Scorchy Gun™ for sticky confrontations, a keyboard built into his ribcage, and a British accent programmed for optimal spy-iness, Daemon the .006-Million-Dollar-Man went forth outwitting sinister Soviets as yesterday's spy of tomorrow . . . today! (Note: sorry if this post was a bit shorter and less JC-Verse-connected than usual. I wanted it to kinda stand as its own little chuckle-worthy entity.)

(Sorry that the chap didn't slap on a smile for the occasion. I did say emotive-to-a-point, mind you.)

GO SEE KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS.

     Seriously, it's amazing. Go see it. Not kidding.

#260: The Crew of the Lurching Draconian

     Yes, I know I am the dummkopfiest of all currently-existing dummkopfs for not posting in 21 Earth-days. Yet, I don't know the exact number of sorrys necessary to apologize for it. So, since I'm doubtful there's an equation to deduce that sort of thing, here's 40 of them. Just to be safe:

Alrighty, hopefully that's resolved. Moving on. Before we get started, I want to say that I HAVE been working on things in the bazillion days since my previous post. I just . . . can't really say what they are yet. I guess only time will tell. That snitch. Now, onto the character(s): the crew of the Lurching Draconian! Odds are that you fine folks aren't familiar with the Lurching Draconian. Nor do I expect you to be. So, plop yourselves down all comfy-like, because it's time for a tale . . . of the good old-fashioned "alien ghost pirates" variety! It all started a good couple centuries ago, on the quaint JC-Verse planet of Kazemboo. Kazemboo was surrounded in every direction by bussling imperial planets lightyears ahead of them in terms of tech, and this didn't bode well for the guys. So, in a desperate attempt to protect themselves from their neighbors, the Kazem empress Jattā͔hweh decided to enact an ancient spell. One that made dead people not so dead anymore. So, when the battalion ships of one such neighboring planet, Jarlon, finally did arrive, the empress unleashed her new army of reanimated warriors on them. But even with such fear-inflicting and admittedly shnasty soldiers fighting for them, the Kazem people were soon defeated, with only three of the undead having survived. But right when they were about to meet their doom at the business ends of some battalion blasters, those three surrendered, and brought forth a deal: getting to keep their rotting bodies intact, in exchange for becoming slaves. The Jarlonian attackers gladly accepted, and brought the trio aboard one of their ships heading homebound. End of the story, yes? Yes . . . for the Jarlonian crew, anyway. *insert finger-across-the-neck sound effect here* Now with a swaggy ship and arsenal of weapons at their disposal, the undead outlaws took to the far reaches of the JC-cosmos, pursuing interplanetary riches as the famed and frightening crew of the "Lurching Draconian!" (Boom. Alien ghost pirates.)

( RIGHT TO LEFT: Challik, Captain Zarr and "Zatoo", nicknamed after a Kazem word meaning "socket" for . . . obvious reasons.)

#259: Xanna Scardust

     Okay, guys. The metaphorical 104 days of my summer vacation have officially wrapped, and just as P&F so wisely predicted, school came along just to end it. This Monday, I officially started 9th grade. For the record, I did get 16 posts (9 of those being full-on characterz) published over the roughly 3 months of my freedom, so I would consider the whole deal an overall win. However, I do feel like I didn't get to send the summer off in as rad of a fashion as I intended, and I did finish the following character before Monday, so . . . what the hey. Let's consider this the official last character of the summer! Fingers crossed it doesn't disappoint. So, everybody give it up for Xanna Scardust!
      It takes an intense soul to spend their whole life fiercely guarding a henge. That much is known. But before we get into why exactly that fact is pivotal to this post, let's discuss some slighty lesser-known info: fairies exist in the JC-Verse. Honestly, compared to all the other weird crud the JC-Verse contains, (see literally any other character I've made), tiny gals with wings are actually really orthodox. But nonetheless, fairies have spent centuries trying to hide themselves from JC-Earth's humans, and they've been pretty great at it thus far--but there's one other commodity they've been trying to conceal almost more religiously than themselves. Hint: it's a henge. *cue gasps* Specifically Fizban's Henge, an ancient circle of stones covered with incantations, ranging from ones that trigger simple spells to ones that activate--surprise surprise--mystic runes. And every generation, a group of fittingly intense young fairies are picked out to be the sacred guards of Fizban's Henge, on behalf of the fairy community. But one of those bodyguards has stood out as particularly hardcore to the max. And that, ladies and gents . . . is Xanna Freakin' Scardust. Having trained herself extensivley in fluttering-based hand-to-hand combat and in the darkling practice of shadowmelding, the impassioned punk pixie practically raised herself on the path to become the perfect guard of the Henge. The perfect social butterfly, that can be debated. But hey, pick your battles. Armed with a variety of dangerous pixie dust concoctions and an unwavering sense of ambition and honor, Xanna protects the Hedge's secrets with unmatched dedication--and even as more and more of her fellow guards have been quitting the gig, that dedication still remains. (I think this post will go out to all you starving artists out there currently stuck in a rutt. If Xanna Scardust can stay motivated and achieve her freaking goals, so can you. SO. CAN. YOU.)

JACOB'S CHARACTERZ! FANART REDESIGN: THE JOKER

     Alrighty, the previously-teased fairy-related character is about to go into the "outlining-in-pen" stage. But in the meantime, I have finished a new piece of DC fanart that I feel is just about snazzy enough to warrant me showing you guys. So, ladies and gents, I give you the JC-brand iteration of the Joker! Portrayed by non-other-than former Doctor Who Christopher Eccleston, by the way. I don't think he reached his full "unnaturally pale adversary of a caped superhero" potential in Thor 2: Asgardian Boogalo, and he definitely has the grin for it. So, enjoy!

("Poster Edges" variant)

("Film Grain" variant)

(No-filter variant)

#258: Warlock (Stanley Zerko)

     I want to apologize ahead of time for the overall, how you say, occult quality of the following character. I'll just go ahead and put that rad son of a virgin down there on stakeout, for all the religious guys and gals out there. You know, to misdirect them bad vibes. Now, without further ado ... Warlock! A bit of secret JC-Verse history for you. *ahem* An extremely long time ago, JC-Earth was

scattered with thousands upon millions of powerful runes, each imbeded with a mystic and often deadly incantation. Who knows who put these runes there in the first place (demons, aliens, a ridiculously overzealous group of wizard tag artists), but tons of non-human groups over the years have utilized them for varying purposes. Humans, however . . . have basically been blind-as-bats to their existence. That is, until one single human wasn't. And that human just so happened to be certifiably insane. (10 points to the universe for more good, old-fashioned cruel irony.) Having earned himself a stay at the Talia Teecas State Bedlam for the Unhinged, Stanley Zerko had experienced so many dark, borderline-demonic visions over the years that, for all we know, he could've been seeing the runes all along. But what we know for sure is that on August 2nd of 2015, at precisely 10:26 am, he woke up with the ability to activate them. And with that, crud hit the fan. Deeming himself Warlock, the madman magus used the incantations to bust out of Teecas State, leaving a flurry of destruction in his wake and fleeing in the frenzy. He was eventually tracked down and placed in a high-security prison by U.N.D.E.R.O.O., but that didn't stop the tale of his rampage from spreading--or from inspiring a gaggle of scientific minds and certified loons alike to research runology in hopes of copying him. I reckon it would probably be best if we just leave those runes to the fairies. (More on that with my next character. Bum . . . bum . . . BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM.)

(Credit to the classic Golden Age Joker for inspiring the general art style I drew this fellow in.)

#257: Ulysses: Unscrupulous Spore and Undisputed King of Crime

     Look alive, folks. We are slowly and steadily aproaching the aforementioned bitter end of my summer vacation, and I've got approximately 10 days left to not waste. So, let's keep the locomotive of productivity a-going with my new character: Ulysses! If there's one thing the Batman movies have shown me over the years besides this, it's that criminals can be very easily manipulated via their gullible fears of cweepy cweatures that go bump in the night. Much like small children, but with thicker New Yorker accents. However, just as this weakness of theirs can be utilized for good, it can also be used to spook them into doing your equally criminal bidding--and few are a better example of this than our pal below. One of the few remaining specimen of a prehistoric species of alphaspore, the being who calls himself Ulysses spent a million-or-so years self-evolving to a level of human intelligence. (Think how Pokemon do it, but with way less Hollywood pizzazz.) After intimidating a group of thugs into building him a mechsuit to mold him into the necessary human shape (human intellect is nothing if you're still a lumpy pile of cells, mind you), he spent the next decade scaring his way to the top of the criminal underworld. Now, Ulysses is the unchallenged commander of JC-Earth's collective thugs, thieves and otherwise unprincipled hoodlums for hire--and with most of law enforcement convinced he's some sort of silly urban legend, he's poised to stick around for quite a while. (He's basically Jabba the Hutt if he managed to squeeze himself into Krang's robot bod.)

(He didn't choose the Thug Life, the Thug Life chose--oh, well, yeah, he did kinda choose the Thug Life, didn't he? Nevermind then. Hindsight's 20/20, I guess.)