#256: The Marthálans

     Being primarily homeschooled for most of my life has had some downsides, but whatever few there have been are completely made up for by not having to participate in the Cha Cha Slide and/or Cupid Shuffle at every school dance. Thank you, universe, for sparing me from such torment. Anyway, time for some new characters. Ladies and gentlemortals, I happily present to you, the Superians! If any of you have stuck with me and my madness since early 2015, you might remember that the JC-Verse harbors its very own version of the infamous submerged location of Atlantis, currently acting as home to a surprisingly advanced class of merpeople. But long before all that jazz, it did sink. And the story of how that came about is worth retelling. As it turns out, the island nation wasn't even originally called Atlantis. No, the place was originally named Marthálas, and in 300 b.c. the original, unaquatic folks that lived there received hands-down the best early Christmas gift ever given: a whole minesworth of Quantum Crystals, ripe for the picking. Upon acquiring a Quantum Crystal, one receives abilites that (if honed) could make a Greek God tremble, and for whatever reason the powers-that-be decided to test the people of Marthálas to see if humans were worthy of those abilities. And as you can probably gather, the answer to that query was a whopping no. With all the power in the world and then some coursing through their collective veins, the Marthálans grew twice as power-hungry as they already were to begin with. Fighting raged among every social class now level in supernatural might, and before they could even launch their planned attack on the mortals of Greece, their society was an utter wreck. Needless to say, the P.T.B. decided that maybe humans weren't exactly ready to get jiggy with the Quantum Crystals yet, and down went an unsalvageable Marthálas into the depths of the ocean blue. Bum deal, huh? Maybe one day the forces beyond will give the ordinary citizens of the JC-Verse a second whack at it, and the Crystals will rear their ethereal heads once more. But until then, the all-knowing power provided to said citizens by interweb search engines will have to suffice. As it does for us.

(Two members of Marthálan royalty battling it out the old fashion way: with searing hand-blasts of otherworldy radiation.)

I HATH RETURNED

     The sound of a loud defining click reverberates through the blog's post archives. A strong aroma of cheeto dust and aspiration permeates the homepage, and everybody realizes. Jacob is back. Whether that is a good or bad thing is up to interpretation. Take it as you will, folks. But in all seriousness, yes, I am back from my aformentioned EpiC FAmiLy-VEnTUres, which I can now safely reveal were a big long triparoony to Diamond Lake, Oregon! (The Parental Units didn't want me disclosing that we were going out of state for so long due to security concerns and such.) Going up there is a big family tradition for my mom and grandparents, and the last time they went I came along as a toddler and my sis was still being grown in the lab. So, now that Abby and I are both hardy teens ready-ish for the world, Mom decided it was time to finally go back, grandparents and all, to let us fully experience it for the first time. It was very, very worth it. I'm sure you don't want me to spend a whole post's worth recounting it, so I'll give you a few quick bullet points on what went down:

• There were a lot of trees.
• Over the course of 3 trips out onto the lake, I caught a quartet of fish and deemed them the Big Four: Tyrone B. "Fishy" Nelson, Joey "The Glub" Jones II, Tonto, and "Wiley Gills" Bill McCoy.
• I was inspired by my majestic tree-y surroundings and cranked out the first 8 pages of a book that takes place in Oregon. I don't want to spill the deets on what exactly that book is about, but still, I'm overall proud of it thus far.
•  My mom waged war on the relentless mosquitos of Diamond Lake, and (mostly) prevailed.
• We made a ton of rad s'mores.
• We laughed our butts off over this picture of my Nana:
  
    

     And now I'm back home. Sorry I didn't post anything over the past two days or so of having returned. I was taking some time to catch up on all the lazy Youtube vedging I missed with barely any Wi to the Fi. But I'm back to work, folks, and it's crunch time. The 104 days of summer vacation are winding down fast, with only about 3 weeks left before school comes along just to end it. So, I'm gonna try my best to whip up as much peculiar content for all you loyal websters as I can over those 3-ish weeks left of freedom--hopefully including some more animation. This summer shant be wasted. And to start the not wasting it off with, here's another DC cinematic photoshop of mine, this time featuring Green Lantern. (Just in case some of you don't notice, that's Jake Gyllenhaal. He was one of the first Hal Jordan fancast candidates that popped up upon Googling, and after losing out on Spidey and Batman, I reckoned the guy needed a win.) Enjoy. JACOB AWAYYYYYYYYYY *melodramatic smoke bomb exit*

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A (Temporary) GOODBYE FROM THE DESK OF MR. JACOB (ft. A Juppie)

     Alrighty, everyone. I think July has been a pretty solid month as far as my productivity-to-Youtube vedge-ocity ratio goes. I also managed to attract an intense following in Russia this past week, so that's dandy. высокие пятерок all around. (Fingers-crosssed that I did that correctly.) But, starting tomorrow I'm going on an epic summer escapade with my family, and I want to kinda take a break from the bulk of my internet-based activities to fully enjoy it. So, until I'm done with all that, enjoy this little near-finished snippet of some important animation I'm working on, featuring one of our Juppie pals. Enjoy! But before I take off to parts unknown, let me cap off July and this post with a little topic I've been wanting to discuss. There's a lot of not-so-nice stuff that goes on around the world nowadays. Recently, however, I've noticed that even with all that people everywhere continue to be brought together by . . . the oddest things. As someone so astutely pointed out on my Twitter (likely starting me on this whole train of thought to begin with), a game about hurling spheres at baby blue turtles and flaming birds has managed to unite people of all races, religions and orientations. As we all recently saw, a massive convention centered around comics and cosplays managed to dominate internet news all weekend. And don't even get me started on the frenzy levels around #CipherHunt (which I, as a Faller 'till the bitter end, have contributed to myself). Things that you could jadedly dismiss as silly are unifying the world in such a universally geeky way. One of my main missions with this blog is to bring as much quality weirdness as I can to my fellow nerds and oddballs across the interwebs, so this kind of phenomenon is beyond cool to me. Just remember to make sure, through thick and thin, to keep this type of "sillyness" alive the best you can. Because, as you can see, the world needs as much of it as it can muster. I hope you all enjoy the few seconds of Juppiness I've offered you above, and I'll tell you all about my epic family-ventures once I return. Hasta la pasta, friends. Hasta la pasta. =)

#255: Shadow-Prophet (Raz Alters)

(The Shadow Prophet himself, in his signature single-eyed suit. The Hopper-XN device is built into the belt buckle, hence the colored wires squiggling about.)

     I love how intentionally and hilariously self-serious the old-school '80s Ninja Turtle comics were. I rented the first big chunk of them today at the library, and 17 pages in, I've already seen 100% more dismembered hands than pizza slices. My whole world has been flipped on its head. Speaking of comic books, the elephantine geekdom jamboree known as Comic-Con just happened and, while I wasn't able to actually go, it dominated my weekend nonetheless. It even inspired me to sketch up the following crimefighter in the first place. I present to you the Shadow-Prophet! JC-Earth is home to an indisputably grand assortment of unorthodox heroes, and whenever some insane, off-the-scales evil threatens everything, one of them is always their to save the day. But while that's fantastic and all, when push comes to shove, not all the JC-Verse's evil is, well, "off-the-scales". Sure, the place overall is bat-poop off-its-rocker (much like its creator, if we're being perfectly honest) but it still has plenty of real-world-esque tragedies peppered throughout--and most of the aformentioned heroes are too large-scale to notice them. I say "most of" very intentionally, however, mainly because of one well-known, highly illusive hero in particular. But first, some backstory. Having grown up with sketchy characters surrounding him at every street corner, Razael Alters was forced into familiarity with crime and tragedy from the time he was a tyke, like two nasty bullies that gang up on you in unison. Once he turned 18, Razael decided to delve into the underworld of criminals, searching rigorously for the most efficient way of making them pay for their unthinkable acts--until eventually, he realized he didn't have to. If the acts never happened, that is. Using a scrapped U.N.D.E.R.O.O. brand time machine blueprint he tracked down and ripped from the black market, he constructed the Hopper-XN: his very own portable all-access pass to almost any point in the past. And after that, the rest is history. Or rather, the reconstructing of it. To this day, Raz is the first line of superpowered defense against everyday evils on JC-Earth, wiping away the worst crimes after they've happened and protecting the grief-stricken from the pain he knows so well--all as the vigilant vigilante, the Shadow-Prophet. (Man, I've done two dramatic tales of heroism in a row. Maybe I should make the next post something light and completely absurd, just to keep things nice and balanced.)

#254: Sheru-Scara: The Woodlouse Warrior

     Okey dokey, time for a character I bookmarked posting for much too long. (I sketched him up and edited him on Photoshop in about an hour or so, so don't judge, friends.) Ladies and gents, Sheru-Scara: the Woodlouse Warrior! There's nothing quite like a good, old-fashioned revenge tale to get any person pumped. But while there is something universally relatable about finding some unscrupulous tool who done goof'd up your life and utterly owning him/her, a REAL revenge tale doesn't exactly come from someone cutting you off on your commute. It takes something truly terrible. And no resident of the JC-Verse knows that better than Sheru-Scara. Born in an insect-inhabited village on the mythic, reptilian-dominated planet of Shang-Slythera, the young pillbug Sheru-Scara crossed paths with the Ningen-Nushi Foot Soldiers, a brutal band of warriors made up of the land's only humans. They left his beloved township in ruins, with many of his fellow villagers having met their ends beneath the Ningen-Nushi's soles--including his own mother, Akemi. Scarred and vulnerable, he began traveling the plains, dazedly drifting from town to town. And hearing rumors. Rumors of an old lizard by the name of Chameleyagi, originator of the art of Camouflage-Fu, and one that lived not far to the East. And just like that, the pieces popped into place. And vengeance began. Once he reached the secluded sanctuary spoken of in the fables, our roly-poly protagonist sought training from Chameleyagi, who accepted. Day and night the lizard instructed him on how to utilize the ordinary elements of his kind to reach extraordinary heights in battle, and by the time the snow fell that fall, Sheru-Scara was ready. The Woodlouse Warrior trekked to the temple of the Ningen-Nushi, and before they could even finish scoffing at his arrival, he rolled at them in a fury of 14-legged celerity. I don't think I need to tell you who won. Sheru left the Foot Soldiers wallowing in their indisputable dishonorment, avenging every creature whom they crushed in their vile path--and as word swiftly spread, he became a bona fide legend. This may not have had as much delightful 4th-wall smashing and unsuitable-for-work wordplay as some other revenge tales, but I'd still consider it pretty gosh-dang epic.

(Our titular pillbug, ready to mess some fools up whilst approaching the Ningen-Nushi temple that fateful day. Trippy coloring job accomplished via the color balancing sliders on ye old Photoshop.)

FANART-TERMISSION! FT. BATSY AND SUPES

     Okay. Rest assured, I have a proper new character prepared. But I have to focus on my Toon Booming and such, so I probably can't afford to spend the next couple hours writing said character a proper post. However, I'll feel like a chintzy noob of an individual if I leave you all empty handed. So, without further blabbing, some Batman/Superman fanart I've been working on. Enjoy.

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#253: Pacman the Fish

     Given how much I move my own mouth on a regular day basis, you'd reckon that making one move on Toon Boom Harmony would be a much easier process for me . . . but that hasn't been the case. Probably because in this situation the mouth isn't being fueled by passionate Marvel/DC/general geek stuff rants. But regardless, I shan't be deterred. Anywho, onto my latest character: Pacman the Fish! The U.N.D.E.R.O.O. Center for the Caretaking and Scientific Inspection of Peculiar Fauna is quite the fascinating spot. Almost every mutated, otherwordly or otherwise uncommon creature the agency has come across over the last 20 years has ended up there at one point or another--but of its current residents, one stands out in particular. And that, friends, is Pacman the Big, Fat Fish. I don't feel that it's necessary for me to, how you say, extrapolate on exactly how Pacman the Big, Fat Fish acquired his unique moniker. Pretty sure you can figure it out. In all actuality, when compared to the usual specimens scattered down the facility's corridors in their respective cages and tanks, this enormous, aquatic fella is pretty earthly in origin. Unscrupulous folks dump illegal mutagens into big blue sea, average koi grows to size of small automobile as result, yadda, yadda. But that hasn't stopped the various employees of the place from going googoo over him. With critter caretakers and statistical scientists alike mollycoddling him like the resident derpy darling he has become, ol' Pac is bound to continue enjoying his stay at the center until they finally decide what to do with him. His resemblance to the iconic eater after which he was nicknamed has even led everyone to start calling the tiny fish they feed him "dot-fish." This would be a pretty fitting place for me to pop in another "The More You Know" gif, but I've already pulled that card enough around here. I gots to pace myself.

#252: The Inexplicable Trinket-Man

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      A happy belated 4th of July to all my fellow 'Muricans out there! Hope your 2016 Independence Day was better than 20th Century Fox's. *baddum tsssss* Sorry if you liked that movie, but the joke writes itself. Also, I've decided to give this new font a try to spice things up a little around here. Feel free to offer reader feedback. Now, onto my new character: the Inexplicable Trinket-Man (also known as Joe). This one's pretty meta, people. But before we get to all that, a simple fact: some really weird crud happens sometimes. Whether you think they're scientific anomalies, interventions from the great Cosmic Owl in the sky, etc., they happen, and often they just can't be given a finite explanation. Like the Man from Taured. Or most of M. Night Shyamalan's movies over the past 14 years. And given that the JC-Verse is basically our universe, Earth and all, only 89% more bonkers, it only makes sense that these weird occurrences are way more common there. And knowing that little tidbit, it only makes sense that some poor JC-Verse resident named Joe could somehow end up getting spontaneously ZAPPED into our universe. And more specifically, into the room of an 8-year-old named Mikey. Which happened. That's right, ol' Joe was just struttin' down the sidewalk, trying to slip in some lazy man's cardio to the 1980-something power ballad in his headphones, and then BOOM, he was retconned right out of his home universe and into a closet full of Bionicles and Buzz Lightyear trinkets. He was startled, and rather befuddled by the 3rd dimension belonging to his new surroundings--as well as by the fact that he lost his physical form through the whole interdimensional ZAPPing process. And once he realized he was stuck there for the long haul, Joe decided he needed to adapt. So, after assembling a proper new body from the various knickknacks present in the tyke's room, the "Inexplicable Trinket-Man," as I've deemed him, began fighting to survive across this harsh, carpet-clad terrain, and continues to do so to this day. I think the JC-Verse's 4th wall is in too dire condition for me to do an orthodox close, so Completely Irrelevant Guy is really the only way to go here. Close us out, buddy!

"Completely Irrelevent Guy approves this post, and hopes YOU have a dandy day."